Monday, October 22, 2007

The Cream of The Crap...er...Crop:The Top 10 REALLY BAD Ideas/Trends In Hip-Hop #5-1

Let's continue/cuz I got more"-Cool Chip


-Cont'd-


5. Horrorcore:
Abortions with rusty hangers? Check! Impregnation by demons and sex with corpses? Check and DOUBLE CHECK! Carrot Top? Ok, he doesn't have shit do with this but have you seen him lately? He scares the hell outta me. Around 1994, Russell Simmons coined the term when describing his group Flatlinerz and their type of music. He said it was the next phase of Hip-Hop. I think he also said that he and Kimora would last forever around the same time as well... Anyway, other than the Gravediggaz and RA The Rugged Man's Crustified Dibbs experiment, it amounted to little more than a bunch of cats trying to outgross each other and alot of A&R types signing anyone who could rhyme something with "fish hook up the ass". In one way, I think guys like RZA pushed themselves creatively to do this stuff...but then again the original title of the Diggaz album was Niggamortus. Fortunately, a little album called Ready To Die changed alot of people's tastes that year and Horrorcore took it's rightful place in the morgue...or the .99 cent bin at Tower Records.


4. New Jack Swing:
Damn you Teddy Riley! I love Heavy D. and Redhead Kingpin was my shit back in the day but Wreckxxx N Effect? Guy? Christopher Williams? Hip-Hop had an affair with new wave R&B in the early 90's. They used the same breaks and beats as rap but they sang over them with an occasional "guest rap". In one way, it was very radio-friendly and softened up MTV and other stations (VH-1) for the urban-heavy rotations that would come later on. However it was mostly forgettable, rapidly dated stuff that didn't stand the test of time. Does anyone realize that this music is responsible for Color Me Badd? That's like knowingly dropping a cannister of Ebola in Times Square! You're out of you're frickin' minds over there at Viacom. Hip-Hop Honors my ass.





3. ...UNSPEAKABLE


In 1993 this happened:












...YES that's big homie from Juice...yes...Steel!


In 1995 THIS HAPPENED! Do I have to say anything else? DO I? There's a Ron Jeremy and DJ Polo single out there too. BAD IDEA? Nah, I'm buggin'...










2. Ballas "Rappin' ":
Now I'm not talking about the immortal Jewelz LP by the lyrical dynamo known as A.I. This even predates the Roy Jones holocaus...er...album. Back in the early 90's, Shaquille O'Neal launched a multi-media camapign the likes of which no one had seen before. Shaq was in movies. He had action figures, a Pepsi deal, there was even Shaq-condoms (which he never took advantage of...OK I'm lyin'about the hats but dude got swimmers.) He even released an album with some decent rhymes that had some top shelf producers at the time. So what happened next? B-Ball's Best Kept Secret, a collection of really (below) average NBA player/ rhymers paired with the likes of Grand Puba, Diamond D, Warren G., Clark Kent and few others. Shaq appearing on this collection was like a guest appearance from Hov. They were all that bad! What did it produce? A Cedric Ceballos single and an in depth interview on Inside Stuff about his upcoming album and single "Ain't That Type of Party" *shudder* A MERCIFULLY SHELVED SCOTTIE PIPPEN ALBUM! Dude talks like the illegitimate son of Cleveland from Family Guy and Barry White. Manure like this is the reason why people even entertained the idea of Iverson or Jones. Bad Hip-Hop! *slaps its hand* Bad HIP-HOP!


1. Nice & Smooth team up with...NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!?! A collab is a collab, right? The Fat Boys teamed up with The Beach Boys and Chubby Checker! Big Daddy Kane looked like the black member of Sgt. Pepper when he teamed up with Patti LaBelle in that video! PE did a song with Anthrax! This however is like going to a cemetary, digging up a corpse re-burying it face down and then taking a steaming dump on the site. This is the unholiest of unholies. Here's the story: After a bit of a layoff, New Kids got tired of being a running joke in the industry and tried to make a comeback. So what did they do? They Bin Ladened my Hip-Hop. Just look at the video with all the cliche's(hoodies, bonfires, Timbs, ROTTWEILERS!) The unkindest cut was listening to Greg Nice deliver this gem: Yo (yo) why you wanna act like a tramp? (tramp)/a wet food stamp. That was like getting kicked in the nuts by Hercules. Even worse...the production isn't half bad. They even sampled James Brown's Papa Don't Take No Mess and DWYCK. Still, definitely one of the darkest days in music and an ENORMOUSLY BAD IDEA. Just watch:

11 comments:

Eric said...

go to see you back my homie...great posts this past week! Talk about bad ideas...what about L.F.O. & M.O.P.....no shit! They did a track together

Travis said...

HAHAHA, great shit man! I still like me some New Jack Swing though

Animal Mother said...

Woooooooooord up! *vomits*

What It Is said...

I think Polka Dots were worse than NEw Jack Swing. On a side note I had a pair of green hammer pants with black polka dots....and wore them to clubs...and somehow did not get beaten to a bloody pulp.

Animal Mother said...

Polka dots go hand in hand with New Jack Swing just look at the videos everyone was rockin' polka dots and acid wash.

Commish CH said...

There was an NFL version with football players rapping too. I remember Ricky Waters on that ish. Horrible. And Kobe Bryant and Chris Webber's joints were just that bad.

one dude to check for is though is Trevor Pryce, DL for Ravens. He plays guitar on a track with Rhymfest. Also Wayman Tisdale from he 80s has won Grammys for his jazz. Guess that doesn't count though.

Just-Ice said...

Horrorcore: Thee wackest thing I've seen thus far spring up in Hip Hop (other than Puff Daddy). I saw Flatlinerz in concert when they dropped....simply horrible nonsense to say the least. I'm still fully convinced that Russell Simmons will hack off his penis and use it as a rappin' sock puppet if he thought it could make him money.

LOL @ New Kids roaming the hood!

alley al said...

uuugggghh i hated new jack swing. i didn't know then why that redhead album didn't grow on me, but i learned..

and i loved me some gravediggaz, but i didn't know the horrorcore term at the time. we just banged the hell out of CONSTANT ELEVATION. what an insane track.

Animal Mother said...

commish-Somewhere in my house, the K.O.B.E. (feat. Tyra Banks) CD single still exists!


Just-Horrorcore was a pretty bad time but I did like 4 tracks from the Gravediggaz: Diary, Nowhere To Run, Constant Elevation and Freak The Sorceress(which I need...holla!)

Al-I agree Constant Elevation was good!

Blacktop said...

Oh god, I think I've gone blind and deaf.
Good lord, what the industry won't try to sell us. Dark days indeed.

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