Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I Shouldn't Have Done It: The Top 10 REALLY BAD Ideas/Trends In Hip-Hop #10-6

When you love something, you love it warts and all. You take the good and the bad. If you have a funny Uncle Cleofus who's funny as hell but he smell like ass, you still hug him at the cookout but you keep it movin'...FAST. Well, I love Hip-Hop in all it's forms (even New Jack Swing but VH-1 was out of their flippin' minds however...) and even if there is an Uncle Cleofus or two, I'll hug 'em and keep it movin'. These guys get the Hug n' Move treatment:

10. LL Cool Thug, Gangsta Hammer & The Blue Cheese Guys Carry Machetes:

People do things to stay in the public eye. Britney shows that twizzy whenever she gets in and out of cars. Other celebs call the paps everytime they step out to go throw out the trash and rappers change their style. Fruits of Nature was dope! I understand that there was more to them than that image but Unleashed with the bonfires, hoodies and machetes? Come on man. I found out that lack of label support had a lot to do with this by third party accounts as well as reading stuff from Kool Kim but Timbo Hammer and Grimey L? Bad judgment. I understand this all happened Post-Wu and Pre- Shiny Suit but you can't introduce yourself wearing Genie pants and Solid Gold dancer gear and then all of a sudden you embrace your inner Treach and start stompin' in a speedo with boots and a skully. Uncle L? The man who made earrings jingle and needed love talking about shooting people in the head? Survey says: "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

9. Rigeddy-Rawr!!!:

Who started it? Who igiddy-ed in my biggidy? Some people say it was Jaz and Jay-Z. Other people claim Das took it to the next level but due to HEAVY jock riding, it got tired real quick. Chip-Fu gave me a headache and Original Flavor (feat. Jay-Z) was more of the same. When this cat started doing it weekly on 90210 (hey my sister used to watch that shit...) and had the cajones to "drop" a RAP ALBUM? NO MIGGIDY MAS!!

8. Female Versions of Male Groups:

Aquaman had Aqualad. Flash had Kid Flash. Then there was BWP, H.W.A. and The Ghetto Girlz...*channeling Nancy Kerrigan* WHY!?! I don't remember thinking to myself: "Golly I wonder how Scarface would rap if he was a chick?" This was a cheap marketing ploy made up by dumb ass record execs who would rather jump on the back of something than create from scratch. I remember in that wack ass "My Man's Playin Tricks on Me" video that they had a midget there...TO BE A MIDGET! That's it! Word to Bushwick, that chick didn't say shit. She just completed the group! Good news is that the guy that signed them now has a part time job testing bullet proof vests. Ok...well...he should...

7. Kid Rappers Mean Muggin' and Growin' Up Fast:

Remember Illegal? Remember how frightened you were when you saw Malik and Jamal on camera and thought: "Where the hell are their parents?" Remember when Da Treach-staz...er Younstaz decided that they weren't gonna pass the mic but crack it over your fuckin' head? The saddest part about that was I remember listenin to No Mercy (Where the oldest one had to be 16) and on one of their songs, they "reminisced" about "goin' in raw without wearin' a hat." I guess nobody wants to Miss The Bus anymore? Jesus.

6. The Hip House Movement:

Don't kill me! I don't mean the legendary I'll House You or "dance rap" like Doug E. Fresh's Summertime or Rob Base's It Takes Two. I'm talking about the shit that had me and my friends puttin colors in our flat tops and wearing big ass leather shoes with metal tips on them and baggy open shirts (Ahh..shut the hell up!). House music was big and at one point alot of artists had a house cut on their album (see: The House That Cee Built or EPMD's It's Time To Party) but I'm sorry most hip house music was boring and repetitive and most importantly had extremely short shelf life. You'd bus' out Rock Box in your ride today but you wouldn't dare pump any of that nonsense. Even De La Soul was sick of it as evidenced by Kicked Out The House off the De La Soul Is Dead LP. I get it, "Get up dance, shake your butt...etc." but Do It To The Crowd? Neneh Cherry on Video Music Box every week? KYZE (The Stomp! Move Jump Jack Your Body dude)? Kill me...No seriously...KILL ME!



Oh Word said...

great post but does not deliver on title....

Animal Mother said...

Sheesh, it says continued. Not done yet.

Dart Adams said...

I also hated the whole Hip House movement...Here are some dudes that I owe asswhuppin's too:

Kyze (I liked Stomp (Move Jump Jack Your Body) but he gave other people the idea that they could do it too!)
KC Flight (you gotta die and all of us that are old enough of to know know why!)
Mr. Lee (you took Chicago house and mixed it with Rap...then you infused Hip House into it. I'd love to "Get Busy" beatin' yer old ass down!)
BG The Prince Of Rap (wack non rappin' ass...)
Turbo T of Snap! (I'll break the mic stand over YOUR head...it'll go SNAP! Don't need the police...)
Everyone involved with any and every aspect of the recording of the Technotronic LP (I'll fake like I'm from that show "Reuniting The Band" get 'em all together and administer beatdowns)
Freedom Williams (I'd get carpal tunnel syndrome typing out all of your offenses)

There were some great House records made between 1988-1990 but as usual motherfuckers took it a little too damn far. I loved Raze, M/A/R/R/S/, Todd Terry, Kenny Dope, and a bunch of other cats' music but when EPMD made "It's Time To Party" and the Jungle Brothers made "Girl I'll House You" I knew that we were in for trouble later.

Great post, fam!


Commish CH said...

good stuff! Even Martin had to take that UMCs poster down when they came out all rugged.

I can remember there was a bit of a stink in The Source when David from 90120 was rapping along to Das. Then he releases that CD, wasn't Fat Lip the exec producer?

That Jamal "Fades Em All" track was nice; it's almost the perfect instrumental to this day to try to get your freestlye on.

Travis said...

Hip House should have been number one, damn I hated that shit, still do to this day.

soulbrotha said...

Dear God how I hated Technotronic, Snap and Freedom Williams, lookin' like Ice T's "Mini-Me"! Arrrrgh! Oh how I suffered those years when that's all radio would play, over and over again! FLASHBACKS!!!

Animal Mother said...

Not only did Freedom look like a juiced out Ice but he SOUNDED like him too. I thought they were related.

Just-Ice said...

Unleashed is suck a wack effort. I still have the CD. I don't know why.

Hip House: A few of my fav's at the time (MC Shan, Craig G) gave in to this deadly epidemic. Damn that house muzak!!

alley al said...

many of those hip house guys were one hit wonders- 99% of follow ups were terrible. i liked a dude named doug lazy. i liked twin hype's song. i'll house you by jb's was dope. wasn't that the begining? stomp was dope.

haha i liked when de la did kicked out the house. a lot of "real" rappers fell victim.

house music before 92 was the shit. afterwards, i only dug select songs, and then i fell off. got into drugs and hung out a drum n bass spots.

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